Semester 3...

        Finally, Semester 3 is over!! There are really a lot of things happened during this semester, be it personally, emotionally, physically, or mentally. 

         First of all, my physical and mental have been really be tested this semester. Especially during cooking class. I've never felt so afraid of entering a kitchen before in my whole 20 years of life. I've been so cool and stress-free whenever I cooked for my family. But this cooking class, it's really making me nervous all the time and the fear I feel inside me when I'm in this class is UNBEARABLE, at first. But it gets better after I've gotten used to the kitchen, lab staffs and lecturer. At some point, I feel like I could pass this subject quite good, 'cause I've already got the basics in cooking (thanks to my mum for 'forcing' me to learn to help in the kitchen when I was small and learn how to cook when I was in Form 1, I think), especially in Malay and Chinese cuisines. But as the time goes by, the lessons in the kitchen are getting more exciting and torturing at the same time. Exciting, because I get to learn to cook Western dishes! Chicken chop, fish fillet, fish and chip, and even lasagna! Haha... But the torturing part, overcome the exciting part... 

         We were given an assignment, called the 'recipe testing' that requires us to cook a one-dish-meal or a main course dish. My group, consist of me and two other Malay gurls, were asked to do rendang ayam, sambal jawa and nasi himpit. At the beginning of the assignment, it was still going on quite well, until we failed to do the rendang ayam and nasi himpit. So, we were asked by the lecturer to do it again. After the fourth tries, we managed to pass the rendang ayam, but we still need to redo the nasi himpit. We were told from the beginning of the assignment by the lecturer that, our senior did not manage to do the nasi himpit after the 11th tries! We already expected this situation. So, we are okay with it, at first. after the fifth try, we still did not manage to get the right texture of the dish. Then, we were asked to do it after the Haji break. After that break, I received news from one of my group members that the lecturer is not around and will only be back on 6th of DEC!! I was like, WHAT???!!! How are we supposed to do our assignment without him around??? On the 28th, I received news that the lecturer asked us to redo AFTER 6th of Dec! OMG!! I am totally speechless at that time. I really don't know what to do! There's one paper on the next day, and suddenly, this thing pops out??! I totally can't concentrate on what I'm doing, be it reading or memorizing! I've already bought ticket back home on 2nd of Dec! Now, how am I supposed to go back?? Then, after that paper on 29th, I straight away went to seniors' house and asked for their opinions. The solution I got from them, stay back to avoid being attacked by him the next 2 semesters! I don't want!! But what else can I do? And then, on the day after, I text-ed him, asking when can I call him to discuss about the assignment. You know what he replied?? "After 12th DEC!!!" I was like, WTF!!!!!! First, you told us, 6th and now, 12th??? Are you playing with us??? Then when I think back, okay lah..At least, I can go back home and not let the ticket go to waste. Till now, we totally have no news about him or the assignment. I wonder how is he able to mark all our papers and at the same time, wanna redo the assignment. Haihhh.... Okay... Don't talk about it anymore... NEXT!!

         In this very semester, I had a crush on two guys!! I wasn't sure it was crush actually. I just feel happy whenever I'm with them. One of my housemate who knew it, asked me how on earth could I possibly had a crush on someone who keeps on teasing you. Aren't girls always fell in love with guys that treated her nice and took good care of her? Honestly, I can't answer that question. I guess I am different from the other gurls. I always blame myself  for having a crush so easily. It felt like I'm very 花心. But I knew deep down in my heart, I just felt so lonely. I get jealous very easily when I see couples around me. I know I'm not as pretty as them, not as slim and got such a great body shape as them, but don't I deserve it? Haihh....talking about the two guys, both of them keep on changing places, alternating inside my heart. I never had the guts to tell them what I felt about them. I've always been like this. The last time I've kinda told a guy, whom I'm really close with, he make it straight to the point that we were only gonna be best friends forever! At that time, it hurts so badly that I actually cried because of a guy, for the first time! He's totally a jerk!! Best friend konon!! So, I told myself, I'll never to make the first move anymore! After all, I'm a gurl (that's what most people said, girls NEVER make the first move). Anyways, I should let them go, too. I don't think it'll go any further than being just friends. I guess I will never have the chance to encounter any love story in university life. :(((

         Anyways, there are a lot of good things happened too, in this semester. I finally got the chance to become a facilitator for the juniors. Haha... The relationships between our coursemates also has gotten very close as compared to the first two semesters. And I think the best thing that happened in this semester is during my birthday. This year's birthday really surprised me the most. I totally can't believe that the seniors of the Buddhist Society are willing to stay outside of the kitchen of about 2 hours just to give me a surprise. Thanks a lot to all of them! This semester, I got myself busy with some of the Buddhist Society's activities. I never knew that joining this society will be this exciting. I always thought that it will be boring. But I was wrong. The Buddhas' teachings really helps me a lot in my daily lifestyles, even though I can't seems to apply it in some of the cases that happened throughout this semester. Hehe.... And not forgetting, my housemates!! Haha...living with them is the most right thing to do rather than stay at hostel! ^-^ Even though there are some things that I'm not satisfied about at first, but eventually I get used to it and now, we are really like a family! 

          I think that's all I for now. That's all I can think of right now. Hopefully I will not need to go back to university on the 12th. Dear lecturer, please be nice ya!~

Nicholas Teo張棟樑-低調MV

Sorry That I Loved You...

Verse 1
For all of the times that I tried for your smile
For making you think that I was worth the while
So your love love love love love would be mine

Verse 2
For sending you flowers and holding your hand
That no one was there to take a stand
But then love love love made us blind

Chorus
And I’m so sorry that I hurt you
Sorry that I fell through
Sorry I was falling in love with you
I’m sorry that it came true but sorry doesn’t turn back time
For all that I have done to you
I wish that I could make it right
So sorry that I loved you
Sorry that I needed you
Sorry that I held you tight

Verse 3 
And I’m so sorry for…
Making you love me and saying goodbye
For being the one that taught you how to cry
It was love love love and it passed us by

Verse 4
For giving you every thing that you dreamed
For taking it back when I fled the scene
Sorry love, for wasting your time

Bridge:
An apology now after all of this time
Won’t make any difference tonight
But I’m hoping I’m sorry will open your mind
To love love love love in your life

Have you any regrets that's been bothering you?? Do you ever wished that you would have done what you wanted in the past? Do you ever wished that you would have said what you wanted to say in the past?? Have you wished that you would want to turn back the time and do all the things you now regretted? Have you wished before that there is a time machine that will brings you back to the past and corrected all the mistakes and do all the regrets you'd done and wish to do?? 

Regret??

Yesterday when I was trying to study, one of my Malay course mate asked me. "Do you think our course has a bright future??" I was startled. I was like, err... okay, I've been on this situation myself before. I did, on the first thought, thought that my course would never have a bright future. I've asked a senior before, she said only some of the seniors that have graduated were offered jobs relating to our course. Some even went teaching.(Note: that's what my mum told me to do if I can't manage to get a related job). And I did thought of stopping from this course and took nursing (that's the only course that interest me until now). But, on second thought, why should I stop? I've been here for like, 2 years, and now, I thought of quitting?? After all, it's the knowledge that I'm after, not to mention the amount of money I've put into this course. I'll never learn how to cook western dishes if I'm in the nursing course, right? And now, I feel like I'm starting to like this course even more than before. Even if after I graduated, I couldn't find a related job, I could always opt for another options like taking up the nursing course I've always wanted(or maybe after graduated, I don't feel like becoming a nurse anymore) or even opening a cafe (both my parents and some of my secondary closed-teachers even offered me to open a cafe that has the ability to organize big events). Right now, all I felt was not regret but the eager to carry on studying on this course and finishing it up with flying colors!

For now, I'm waiting for next Sunday night to be on the bus to go back home! I wish to be home as soon as possible and meet with my parents. I miss them so much! After all these pressures I've been taking, I really miss them so much. When my mum called me last night, I suddenly detected the coarseness of her voice. I thought she'd just woke up. But when she told me, she was just starting to be sick, and my dad had just recovered form his sickness, I felt a surge of regret and sadness rushing through my brain, into my mind, into my heart!! I felt so useless!! I will always call 2 or 3 days in between. But the calls I made all these while, I felt so meaningless! What's the point of calling home when you don't even know what's happening there??? I even argued with my brother because of this issue. I blamed him for not telling me what happened in the house. But deep down inside, I know it's my fault. It was me who are not concerned about home. It was me who always talked about my stuffs rather than asked about home! I can't help but blame me, myself!! At that time, I really felt so regret and so feeling like banging my head on the wall!!

Finally!!

Finally finished my presentation!!haha...what a relief!!after tomorrow, I'll be more relief! But suddenly feel scared about tomorrow's FINAL COOKING... Don't know what's going to happen... Hopefully can finish all the 6 dishes on time. If not, the marks will be gone. Hopefully I won't do silly mistakes tomorrow that will affects my marks. Please let my feelings, emotions, mind calm down. Do NOT get nervous and forget steps. Tonight, I'll have to prepare both physically and mentally. Esp. mentally!

How I Wish I could...

Can we pretend that the airplanes

in the night sky

are like the shooting stars

I could really use a wish right now...

How I wish I could finish everything in ONE day and don't need to worry the next day...

How I wish I could start it all over again and be more strict when it comes to making decisions...

How I wish I could change the attitudes I acted towards my group members and make them listen to my opinions and not just theirs...

How I wish I could hear your voice and forgets about ALL the problems...

How I wish I could hear your soothing voice that makes me 念念不忘。。。

How I wish I could hear it all over again and you would just solve all my problems...

How I wish I could have you and it will be the only thing I've ever wanted...

My first car...:'(

Just received the news from my mother.. Dad already sold my first driving car!!waaa........:'(

I haven't look enough of you, haven't use enough of you, and you just leave me like that??? W.H.Y.??!!!!

I don't want!! I don't want!!! I don't want!!!!

I want that car back!!! I don't want to leave you to other people!!

累！！！

很累啊！！！为什么我的course这么难？？！！！为什么我会拿到这个course???!!!why my course need to cook until so late??so rushing and so tired!!!!PLEASE GIVE ME A BREAK!!!!!!

NEW SONG 2010 - Westlife - As love is my witness [Lyrics Video]

Every Little Thing You Do - Westlife [Lyrics]

...

I don't wish that you will remember everything you'd promised me. I also don't wish to let you know that I love you. I don't want to destroy the friendship we have now. All I wish for is that I'm the one you think about when you wake up and before you go to sleep...

err....

Why do I feel like you're running away from me? Am I too disturbing to you until you have to lie to me?? What did I do to deserve this??As far as I know, I did nothing wrong lo.. If you feel that I'm very disturbing, you can always tell me. I don't mind, as long as you're honest. I really can't accept this part of you... You really disappoint me!!

STRESS!!!!!

        Today is the third time I've been crying when I'm in university. The first time was when my family were leaving me when I first started university life. The feeling when leaving my family was never easy to bear with. The second was when my dad called on my birthday to wish me happy birthday. I really never thought that my dad will call me to wish me happy birthday. The third time was today. At first, I was just trying to play with my house mates 'cause today they really teased me a lot. But I end up crying, for real. This week is really a tough week for me. I just came back after a 2-week holiday, the time was supposed to be okay okay for me. But instead of feeling relaxed after the 2-week holiday, I got stressed up like hell! I planned to go back hometown to accompany my mum for her operation. Yesterday morning was okay- I asked one of my cooking lecturer to exempt me from attending class on Thursday. He said okay, but need to provide letter. Okay, that's fine for me. In the evening after video session class, I was quite afraid that the other cooking lecturer will not agree to what I asked 'cause seniors said that this particular lecturer was quite strict. Ended up, he was the only lecturer who said yes without asking anything! He just asked me to postpone my recipe testing to next week (even though my group will be doing the first recipe testing and the other group will be doing the second recipe testing, but that's okay with me as long as I get to be back in time to take care of my mum). Then for the food analysis lecturer, he also said the same thing: provide letter to prove you were there to take care of your mum. Okay!:D After that, I called my Asas Keusahawanan lecturer to postpone my presentation time. He asked me to see him at 8pm. Okay, for my mum's sake, I went. Then after discussing, without getting any solution, he asked me to wait until 10 pm as there's other group that wants to present. I was like, WHAT?? You asked me to come, I came. I thought the solution will be made by then. But I was wrong! I said it's too late already. I'll meet you tomorrow. He said okay, call me first.
        Today I asked one of the SK senior to change time with me as I really can't make it this week. He said cannot. They also haven't do the slides. Okay, never mind. To make the story short, I was in the kitchen the whole afternoon cooking. At 5pm, I went to see the lecturer. He wasn't in his room. When I came back home, I messaged him through Facebook to ask his favor, his 'jasa baik' to let me go back hometown. He messaged back me and said "Call me now!!!". I was like, err....why so angry wor?? Okay, I called him straight away. He asked me to do my presentation on Tuesday or Wednesday. I said Wednesday as that's the only day I can take to delay to let my group member to finish up the slides.
I really can't stand the pressures of needing to finish up all the works by Wednesday. I still have TWO microbiology lab reports to do, Microbiology notes to read and presentation slides to finish!!ARGHHH..............
P.S.: I'm really sorry to my house mates. They were really shocked to see me suddenly cry. Je suis désole!

Gosh.....

          If you were given a task to organize an important event, what would you do??Would you just do it ALL by yourself or ask from other people's help??? It was an event to reflect the credibility of our batch and you guys just ruined it like that, as easy as that???! Don't you guys ever think of consulting or asking for our help??ALL you think about getting credits! About being recognized by your lecturer!! And now, look what you'd done??? You've brought us the hell!! And I'm sure there's more about to come!!
          I've been very busy this whole week with not a free day to rest at all!! Today and tomorrow was supposed to be my free day with no worries and nothing to do..But because today have tests at 9am-10am and 10.30am -11.30am and food microbiology class at 2.30pm-4pm and business plan discussion at 4pm-7pm.. ohh..okaY, I thought I could actually steal some time during 11.30am-2.30pm to go back home and have some rest before continuing my battle for the day..Who knows, we, all the Chinese 2nd-year students, were asked to go back to kitchen as the lecturer wanted to see us.. In the end of the meeting, we were assigned with tones of works!! With all the lab reports having to finish before the raya break, and the business plan to be completed before the 29th this month, why must the problems arise at this time?? I've already had enough!! The people in charge can always tell us earlier that you need our help, and not 1 day before the event when we're busy doing our business plan!!!
          1 day before the important event...nothing have been done yet...the mise en place, the preparation of the place, the buying of the ingredients...and now, even the place of event haven't been confirmed yet!!We will be having our event at 6pm on 28/8/10..we'll only have our time to decorate and prepare the place at 1pm??? We also need to prepare and  the foods are to be ready at 5pm! Nothing have been done now and you expects everything to be ready at your fingertips by 6pm tomorrow??!
          I really can't think of any reason from your point of view for being so irresponsible! I know you're busy, but we, too are busy..But at least, you should prepare and organize everything from the start! You should plan what you're going to do and how you're going to do! And not just pinpoint at people who did nothing wrong at all! We're not like you, an actress who know how to act well! We're not kambing korban for you to avoid being scolded by lecturers!
          I just hope that everything's gonna be alright tomorrow.. I really don't want to be blacklisted by the lecturers! I still have 3 semesters to go with the same lecturers... I don't want to be scolded every time he entered the class. I don't want to be the victim of his angriness....

Tired~

       I am really tired now. Tired of everything. Tired of reading. Tired of studying. Tired of doing lab reports. Tired of having to cook in the university kitchen every week and end up by getting low marks. Tired of waiting. Tired of thinking of anything. Tired of liking someone and end up getting hurt. I believe everything happens for a reason. But does it have to happens until this stage??? I am really starting to feel the hopelessness of the endless tiring days. The only thing that keeps me going now is the hopes my parents are putting on me, the hopes that my brother are putting on me, the hopes that my sister are putting on me...the hopes everyone puts on my shoulder, hoping that someday I could be a successful person. And also the hopes that I have on myself that someday I could be a successful nutritionist.

Why? WHy?? WHY???

Why this semester is getting harder and harder?? Why this semester is getting more and more tiring as the days goes by?? Why does this semester have to be like this?? Why does this semester have so many lab reports to do?? Why?? Why?? Why??!
I'm getting more and more impatient. I'm getting more and more tired. I'm getting more and more into trouble. I'm starting to loosen on my grip. I'm getting more and more emptied. I'm giving more and more bad attitudes towards my friends. Why does this have to happen to me?? I'm starting to let go of a lot of things. I'm starting to give up on everything; studies, friendships, homeworks, tests, quizzes, and now even my life!
I'm really sick of all these things that happened in my life now! I really don't know what to do now. It seems like there's no ending to all these things! It seems like there will never be any ways for me to overcome all the problems I'm facing now.What am I supposed to do now?? Can someone tell me??

Moody day~

           People are always greedy and selfish. It’s in their nature. But can’t you guys just think for a moment about how others around you feel?? Just because a small piece of ‘free’ layer cake done by your ‘beloved’ lecturer, you guys ignored other people around you?? Other people who was carrying a almost-RM10000 microscope that if, people-who-craved-so-much-about-‘free’-things ‘accidently’ knocked her hand on the people who was holding the microscope, wouldn’t it be the people who hold the microscope get scolded and asked to pay for the damage???! Can’t you guys just stop longing for the ‘free’ layer cake for a WHILE and make way for those who wish to do their job thoroughly???

          And to the lab demonstrator, I know you have been working hard on the Practical 2 for the past 2 days. And I know you’re tired, your eyes are tired. But you also have to think on our side. We were not exposed on handling microscopes for a long period, unlike you. Can’t you just be a little bit patient when seeing us did our practical?? Why must you scold us like it was nobody’s business?? We are also humans. We also did mistakes! I’m sure you also had done some mistakes before, right? Why must you talk as if we had done a huge mistake on you?? It’s as if we’d annoyed you and irritated you!

          Today has been a really bad day for me. I was totally not in a good mood at all after those incidents! I know we, as a Buddhist who practiced Buddhism are not encouraged to talk behind peoples’ back. We are supposed to stand on their shoes and look from their point of view and why they did that. Maybe towards the lab demonstrator, I can understand her feelings. But what about those who craved so much on the layer cake??? I was totally victimized!

          How I wish I can just talk to someone about this. Sometimes I really wish that I have a boyfriend who can understand me and is by my side every time I feel sad. I just need a shoulder to cry on and to seek some comfort. Is that hard to find someone like that??

The Love Poem

 It’s because of you; I dare to trust in love

For I’ve never trusted in love before

Not after I’ve been hurt the last time

It’s because of you; I dare to love again

For I’m scared to love again

As I’m afraid of the consequences that might occur

It’s because of you; I dare to dream again

For I’m afraid of dreaming of

What I know that couldn’t happen

It’s because of you; I dare to walk this road

For I know that you’ll be at the end of the road

To catch me,

To save me,

To release me,

From all these people

It’s because of you; I dare to believe that there is still love in this world

For I’ve been hurt once

Where I thought I would never ever find love again

It’s when I met you that day that I feel my life is alive again

For I feel that there’s something in you

That I ought to know

That I ought to find out

That I hope when I find out, it will be what I wished for

 It’s when I talked to you that day

That I feel like we will go further than this

But too bad you were gone

Even before I want to get to know you better

How I wish right now

That I could see you again

That I could talk to you again

That I could joke with you again

But I know that would only be in my dreams

‘Cause I know what I hoped for will never happen

For I heard that you already had your righteous person

This will only be in my dreams forever

But thanks for making me believe in love again…

Stupid B****!!!

Stupid B****! How dare you 'doakan' my Biostatistics project to be rejected?? Just because a lot of groups, including hers, have been rejected, is it necessary for ALL groups to be rejected?! Can't we have some groups that did great in making that project and don't get rejected? Even if the lecturer didn't get on time to mark all the projects, and maybe my group too, there is NO problem at all to me to do it again! After all, there are so many groups that have been rejected. Even if my group is rejected too, it mean nothing to me! Why did she have to 'doakan' my group to be rejected?! It's as if she's cursing me and my group! DAMN!!!

Everybody has their weaknesses and mistakes and that includes talking bad about lecturers behind their back. No offense to lecturers! But please larh... Nobody's perfect! Don't tell me she'd never, NEVER in her life, talked bad about lecturers?! Why does she have to do something that will make people hate her?! Someone said she will tell whichever lecturer that she'd heard others talked bad about that lecturer. She have nothing better to do is it??Dahla gemuk, rambut pendek, tak sopan langsung!! Tak ketuk pintu, terus masuk! Ape?! Die ingat bilik I ni bilik die ke? Bilik adik die ke?? kURANG AJAR! Jangan ingat die tu tua beberape tahun dari I, die boleh masuk bilik I ikut suka hati die je ke hah?? I xde privasi langsung taw!! No offense to other people who read this, but I ingat kite patut bersopan-santun dan jaga tingkah laku kite?? Terjah masuk je bilik orang, itu kata bersopan ke??! HUH!!


I'm not discriminating anyone, but it really annoys me a lot, and I mean, A LOT, for those who just burst into my room without knocking the door first! Please larh, where's your manners??! Luckily I'm not doing anything obscene at that moment. If not, I'll be busted!

Luckily all my roommates and my coursemate were by my side when I was stressed by this mindless person. Really appreciate it!~hehe...谢谢你们！！Nandri!~ Terima Kasih!~ Without them, I really don't know who to turn to...