It really feels like nobody does care about you, about your feelings, about your thoughts!! I'd been sulking the whole day, nobody does really care about me beings, except for a few that I feel like hugging them and cry on their shoulder when they asked how are you!! I mean, I know I've been acting all irky, getting-on-my-nerves-and-you'll-suffer-the-consequences face. But that's because of you guys. Do you guys what's the feeling of being left out, getting-no-signal-at-all in all of the discussion??? I feel like an idiot asking questions and getting all those don't-you-listen-to-what-the-lecturer-taught?? responses. I know I didn't get good results and I'm not clever or genius! But do you have to??
I really want to help in any way that I can so that I don't feel so left out! But please don't think that I offered you just to show you that I can do better than you. I have NO intention at all to do that. I just want to be back, to at least know that I'm still one of group members, to at least contribute something even though small. I know I may sound pathetic, helpless, DFA, but that's what I think. If this doesn't work, I'd rather leave this course than to suffer!!
I told this to my brother last night when he called me. I can't take it all by myself. I didn't tell my housemates as I don't want them to think bad about my group members. That time, I just wish to leave everything here - course, friends, lecturers, and get back home. But I know I can't just let go. I must go on in order to not wasted my life of 2+ years here and go home with NOTHING!! I have to bear with it even though I'm suffering!!
Sometimes I feel weird why can't we, Chinese, just get along with the Malays?? Why must there be any war, arguments between us that will torn us far apart?? I really don't get it! When I was in primary and secondary school, my relationship with any of the Malays were good, some even better than my relationship with the Chinese. But why can't that happen here??? People do make mistakes, just tell them nicely and I'm sure they'll change (for some, though). Why must we use loud voices, menengking sini sana?? Please la... This is University kay?? Not pasar malam or prisoners for you to shout here and there.
And does Malays here have prejudices towards other races?? Why must they give some you're-not-my-race-so-I-HATE-you faces?? They seems to have some hatred in them towards other races. I don't mean ALL Malays, I just mean some of them. Some are very good though. They are willing to help and console too. Why can't others just be like them??
Some people, they have this thought of not trusting Malays with the assignments and lab reports. WHY?? It's because some have shown them that they can't be trusted to be given this task. That is why some of them have to bear with just introduction and results and simple things to do. They can't blame others for doing that. But for some people who can be trusted and are willing to help, they feel like they're useless in the group, they feel like they're just rubbish in that (just like my case, being ignored! Hmmm....). That is why and how misunderstanding happens and eventually will lead to wars and arguments! Sometimes, we should just learn to let go and take the responsibility and not just give rubbish reasons not to do it!!
Some Chinese don't even trust Chinese!! They even betrayed their own kinds! Can you just imagine there's already quite a few Chinese left in the course, but they still want to boikot the others!! For example, the tips given by the lecturers to help in final exams, they'd rather give to others than their own kinds first. Not that I mean, we purposely don't want to give exam tips to other races. Don't tell me, other races doesn't do that too??? We're ALL considered as ethnocentrism. Don't think on one side only, think on both sides before judging kay?? Otherwise, they will just ignore the others and treat them as invisible and unknown, dipulaukan~~ They seldom ask for others' opinions and make decisions as if they're the BOSS here!! (more or less like my case right? Haha...)
I know what I wrote today may have hurt some people or should be censored. Here, I would like to stress out that I don't particularly say anyone, but I was referring as a whole. I've seen and heard many cases, and I don't just mention what happened in my course, but the other courses as well.If any of you terasa, I'm sorry...
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