Regret??

Yesterday when I was trying to study, one of my Malay course mate asked me. "Do you think our course has a bright future??" I was startled. I was like, err... okay, I've been on this situation myself before. I did, on the first thought, thought that my course would never have a bright future. I've asked a senior before, she said only some of the seniors that have graduated were offered jobs relating to our course. Some even went teaching.(Note: that's what my mum told me to do if I can't manage to get a related job). And I did thought of stopping from this course and took nursing (that's the only course that interest me until now). But, on second thought, why should I stop? I've been here for like, 2 years, and now, I thought of quitting?? After all, it's the knowledge that I'm after, not to mention the amount of money I've put into this course. I'll never learn how to cook western dishes if I'm in the nursing course, right? And now, I feel like I'm starting to like this course even more than before. Even if after I graduated, I couldn't find a related job, I could always opt for another options like taking up the nursing course I've always wanted(or maybe after graduated, I don't feel like becoming a nurse anymore) or even opening a cafe (both my parents and some of my secondary closed-teachers even offered me to open a cafe that has the ability to organize big events). Right now, all I felt was not regret but the eager to carry on studying on this course and finishing it up with flying colors!

For now, I'm waiting for next Sunday night to be on the bus to go back home! I wish to be home as soon as possible and meet with my parents. I miss them so much! After all these pressures I've been taking, I really miss them so much. When my mum called me last night, I suddenly detected the coarseness of her voice. I thought she'd just woke up. But when she told me, she was just starting to be sick, and my dad had just recovered form his sickness, I felt a surge of regret and sadness rushing through my brain, into my mind, into my heart!! I felt so useless!! I will always call 2 or 3 days in between. But the calls I made all these while, I felt so meaningless! What's the point of calling home when you don't even know what's happening there??? I even argued with my brother because of this issue. I blamed him for not telling me what happened in the house. But deep down inside, I know it's my fault. It was me who are not concerned about home. It was me who always talked about my stuffs rather than asked about home! I can't help but blame me, myself!! At that time, I really felt so regret and so feeling like banging my head on the wall!!