...

I don't wish that you will remember everything you'd promised me. I also don't wish to let you know that I love you. I don't want to destroy the friendship we have now. All I wish for is that I'm the one you think about when you wake up and before you go to sleep...

err....

Why do I feel like you're running away from me? Am I too disturbing to you until you have to lie to me?? What did I do to deserve this??As far as I know, I did nothing wrong lo.. If you feel that I'm very disturbing, you can always tell me. I don't mind, as long as you're honest. I really can't accept this part of you... You really disappoint me!!

STRESS!!!!!

        Today is the third time I've been crying when I'm in university. The first time was when my family were leaving me when I first started university life. The feeling when leaving my family was never easy to bear with. The second was when my dad called on my birthday to wish me happy birthday. I really never thought that my dad will call me to wish me happy birthday. The third time was today. At first, I was just trying to play with my house mates 'cause today they really teased me a lot. But I end up crying, for real. This week is really a tough week for me. I just came back after a 2-week holiday, the time was supposed to be okay okay for me. But instead of feeling relaxed after the 2-week holiday, I got stressed up like hell! I planned to go back hometown to accompany my mum for her operation. Yesterday morning was okay- I asked one of my cooking lecturer to exempt me from attending class on Thursday. He said okay, but need to provide letter. Okay, that's fine for me. In the evening after video session class, I was quite afraid that the other cooking lecturer will not agree to what I asked 'cause seniors said that this particular lecturer was quite strict. Ended up, he was the only lecturer who said yes without asking anything! He just asked me to postpone my recipe testing to next week (even though my group will be doing the first recipe testing and the other group will be doing the second recipe testing, but that's okay with me as long as I get to be back in time to take care of my mum). Then for the food analysis lecturer, he also said the same thing: provide letter to prove you were there to take care of your mum. Okay!:D After that, I called my Asas Keusahawanan lecturer to postpone my presentation time. He asked me to see him at 8pm. Okay, for my mum's sake, I went. Then after discussing, without getting any solution, he asked me to wait until 10 pm as there's other group that wants to present. I was like, WHAT?? You asked me to come, I came. I thought the solution will be made by then. But I was wrong! I said it's too late already. I'll meet you tomorrow. He said okay, call me first.
        Today I asked one of the SK senior to change time with me as I really can't make it this week. He said cannot. They also haven't do the slides. Okay, never mind. To make the story short, I was in the kitchen the whole afternoon cooking. At 5pm, I went to see the lecturer. He wasn't in his room. When I came back home, I messaged him through Facebook to ask his favor, his 'jasa baik' to let me go back hometown. He messaged back me and said "Call me now!!!". I was like, err....why so angry wor?? Okay, I called him straight away. He asked me to do my presentation on Tuesday or Wednesday. I said Wednesday as that's the only day I can take to delay to let my group member to finish up the slides.
I really can't stand the pressures of needing to finish up all the works by Wednesday. I still have TWO microbiology lab reports to do, Microbiology notes to read and presentation slides to finish!!ARGHHH..............
P.S.: I'm really sorry to my house mates. They were really shocked to see me suddenly cry. Je suis désole!

Gosh.....

          If you were given a task to organize an important event, what would you do??Would you just do it ALL by yourself or ask from other people's help??? It was an event to reflect the credibility of our batch and you guys just ruined it like that, as easy as that???! Don't you guys ever think of consulting or asking for our help??ALL you think about getting credits! About being recognized by your lecturer!! And now, look what you'd done??? You've brought us the hell!! And I'm sure there's more about to come!!
          I've been very busy this whole week with not a free day to rest at all!! Today and tomorrow was supposed to be my free day with no worries and nothing to do..But because today have tests at 9am-10am and 10.30am -11.30am and food microbiology class at 2.30pm-4pm and business plan discussion at 4pm-7pm.. ohh..okaY, I thought I could actually steal some time during 11.30am-2.30pm to go back home and have some rest before continuing my battle for the day..Who knows, we, all the Chinese 2nd-year students, were asked to go back to kitchen as the lecturer wanted to see us.. In the end of the meeting, we were assigned with tones of works!! With all the lab reports having to finish before the raya break, and the business plan to be completed before the 29th this month, why must the problems arise at this time?? I've already had enough!! The people in charge can always tell us earlier that you need our help, and not 1 day before the event when we're busy doing our business plan!!!
          1 day before the important event...nothing have been done yet...the mise en place, the preparation of the place, the buying of the ingredients...and now, even the place of event haven't been confirmed yet!!We will be having our event at 6pm on 28/8/10..we'll only have our time to decorate and prepare the place at 1pm??? We also need to prepare and  the foods are to be ready at 5pm! Nothing have been done now and you expects everything to be ready at your fingertips by 6pm tomorrow??!
          I really can't think of any reason from your point of view for being so irresponsible! I know you're busy, but we, too are busy..But at least, you should prepare and organize everything from the start! You should plan what you're going to do and how you're going to do! And not just pinpoint at people who did nothing wrong at all! We're not like you, an actress who know how to act well! We're not kambing korban for you to avoid being scolded by lecturers!
          I just hope that everything's gonna be alright tomorrow.. I really don't want to be blacklisted by the lecturers! I still have 3 semesters to go with the same lecturers... I don't want to be scolded every time he entered the class. I don't want to be the victim of his angriness....

Tired~

       I am really tired now. Tired of everything. Tired of reading. Tired of studying. Tired of doing lab reports. Tired of having to cook in the university kitchen every week and end up by getting low marks. Tired of waiting. Tired of thinking of anything. Tired of liking someone and end up getting hurt. I believe everything happens for a reason. But does it have to happens until this stage??? I am really starting to feel the hopelessness of the endless tiring days. The only thing that keeps me going now is the hopes my parents are putting on me, the hopes that my brother are putting on me, the hopes that my sister are putting on me...the hopes everyone puts on my shoulder, hoping that someday I could be a successful person. And also the hopes that I have on myself that someday I could be a successful nutritionist.

Why? WHy?? WHY???

Why this semester is getting harder and harder?? Why this semester is getting more and more tiring as the days goes by?? Why does this semester have to be like this?? Why does this semester have so many lab reports to do?? Why?? Why?? Why??!
I'm getting more and more impatient. I'm getting more and more tired. I'm getting more and more into trouble. I'm starting to loosen on my grip. I'm getting more and more emptied. I'm giving more and more bad attitudes towards my friends. Why does this have to happen to me?? I'm starting to let go of a lot of things. I'm starting to give up on everything; studies, friendships, homeworks, tests, quizzes, and now even my life!
I'm really sick of all these things that happened in my life now! I really don't know what to do now. It seems like there's no ending to all these things! It seems like there will never be any ways for me to overcome all the problems I'm facing now.What am I supposed to do now?? Can someone tell me??

Moody day~

           People are always greedy and selfish. It’s in their nature. But can’t you guys just think for a moment about how others around you feel?? Just because a small piece of ‘free’ layer cake done by your ‘beloved’ lecturer, you guys ignored other people around you?? Other people who was carrying a almost-RM10000 microscope that if, people-who-craved-so-much-about-‘free’-things ‘accidently’ knocked her hand on the people who was holding the microscope, wouldn’t it be the people who hold the microscope get scolded and asked to pay for the damage???! Can’t you guys just stop longing for the ‘free’ layer cake for a WHILE and make way for those who wish to do their job thoroughly???

          And to the lab demonstrator, I know you have been working hard on the Practical 2 for the past 2 days. And I know you’re tired, your eyes are tired. But you also have to think on our side. We were not exposed on handling microscopes for a long period, unlike you. Can’t you just be a little bit patient when seeing us did our practical?? Why must you scold us like it was nobody’s business?? We are also humans. We also did mistakes! I’m sure you also had done some mistakes before, right? Why must you talk as if we had done a huge mistake on you?? It’s as if we’d annoyed you and irritated you!

          Today has been a really bad day for me. I was totally not in a good mood at all after those incidents! I know we, as a Buddhist who practiced Buddhism are not encouraged to talk behind peoples’ back. We are supposed to stand on their shoes and look from their point of view and why they did that. Maybe towards the lab demonstrator, I can understand her feelings. But what about those who craved so much on the layer cake??? I was totally victimized!

          How I wish I can just talk to someone about this. Sometimes I really wish that I have a boyfriend who can understand me and is by my side every time I feel sad. I just need a shoulder to cry on and to seek some comfort. Is that hard to find someone like that??

The Love Poem

 It’s because of you; I dare to trust in love

For I’ve never trusted in love before

Not after I’ve been hurt the last time

It’s because of you; I dare to love again

For I’m scared to love again

As I’m afraid of the consequences that might occur

It’s because of you; I dare to dream again

For I’m afraid of dreaming of

What I know that couldn’t happen

It’s because of you; I dare to walk this road

For I know that you’ll be at the end of the road

To catch me,

To save me,

To release me,

From all these people

It’s because of you; I dare to believe that there is still love in this world

For I’ve been hurt once

Where I thought I would never ever find love again

It’s when I met you that day that I feel my life is alive again

For I feel that there’s something in you

That I ought to know

That I ought to find out

That I hope when I find out, it will be what I wished for

 It’s when I talked to you that day

That I feel like we will go further than this

But too bad you were gone

Even before I want to get to know you better

How I wish right now

That I could see you again

That I could talk to you again

That I could joke with you again

But I know that would only be in my dreams

‘Cause I know what I hoped for will never happen

For I heard that you already had your righteous person

This will only be in my dreams forever

But thanks for making me believe in love again…